I just put my daughter down for the night. She did what she always does: turn over onto her tummy, place her thumb in mouth, wait for me to cover her with her favorite blanket and then close her eyes. It’s quite angelic to watch. And as I did, the only thing that crossed my mind was “I want to go to sleep right now.” I tiptoed out of the room, walked past my son’s room listening to my husband’s voice travel through the hallway as he read Arjun his book for the night, Curious George Feeds the Animals. Most other nights, in about fifteen minutes, we’d start jumping for joy. We’re almost done! Both kids down, lunches packed, clothes laid out, no night work meetings – It’s time to party! (Or in our alternate reality – it’s time to veg out and watch Master of None while eating the good ice cream we’ve hidden in the back of the freezer.)
But sadly, no, this is not the case tonight. For tonight, although it’s just 7:32pm, and I’m really tired (tired enough to take micro-naps as I type this) – it’s time to work on my novel for Nanowrimo, as I am very, very behind. I’m at a pitiful 11,400 words when the month is nearly halfway over. At the rate I’m going, I’ve got to plow out nearly 2,000 words a day. I try so hard to do it between lunch hours or morning coffee, but lately my life has been busy and it just isn’t happening. Then, the evening hour strikes. Before I had kids, the time from 7 to 9pm was blissful – I could do anything I wanted. And did I ever! I launched a blog; I read book after book; I studied for the GMAT; I worked out for sometimes two hours a day; I applied to business school; I had dinner with friends. But now, that time – even though it creeps up as available every now and again (like tonight) – finds me so physically and mentally exhausted that the thought of opening up Microsoft Word and ploughing out 2,000 words just doesn’t feel possible or enjoyable.
Parent entrepreneurs, or parent night MBA’s, or anyone really who is a parent or caretaker that is trying to do anything “after work” these days, must have phenomenal endurance.
On the novel front, the writing is getting harder. As I get further along, many different plot twists enter my head and I’m not sure which ones my characters should commit to. I know where I want the book to end, and I know where it started, but how we get there along the way still feels murky. I’m afraid when I’m all done, I’ll take a good 25,000 works of this first draft and just chuck them. And maybe that’s normal? Only time will tell.
Ok enough procrastination – back time to get back to reality, or chick literary? Bad attempt at rhyming. Yikes – I do need sleep, don’t I?
Have Kids, Will Work